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TV news is dead

This Just In: Local Television News Gives Up the Ghost

By Hannah Nielsen
Staff Writer

Local television news is dead.

Several sources sounded the death knell Wednesday, with abundant supporting documentation, for the local evening news, as we know it.

“It’s no secret that there’s a tendency toward bad blood between newspapers and television news,” said Stephen Jackson, Times-Herald editor. “But that doesn’t diminish the facts. People have been saying ‘Print is dead,’ ‘Newspapers are dead,’ but here we still are, hanging on.”

Sources agree, the hurdles that have risen up against local television news include:

  • The rise of cable news networks
  • The quest to find news online
  • Other credible, inexpensive news sources are drying up.

“It’s simple. As budgets grow ever tighter, the competition has grown

stronger, viewers aren’t viewing, and each broadcast has begun to cost more money,” said Ms. X, a TV news insider who spoke on condition of anonymity.

“Consumers want the news they really want immediately — online, or via text message to their phone,” said one pundit with a finger on his iPhone. “They’re selective about what they want delivered directly, but waiting until 5 or 10 p.m. and giving each story maybe 30 seconds is simply too little too late.”

But really, it comes down to this single point.

As newspapers die — and those that don’t die shrink to near oblivion — TV news’ cheapest source of news stories disappears.

“If they can’t quote the newspaper — always without citing it specifically, of course — well. Feet on the ground reporting takes a lot more time and effort,” said Suzy Smythe, Times-Herald reporter.

Film at 11.

* This article is a spoof. All quotes, names, and characters are fictional.

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